If you’ve been in the dating scene for more than 15 minutes lately, you’ve probably heard of “Shrekking.” No, it doesn’t involve green ogres or onions (though there might be layers). Shrekking is the viral dating term for intentionally dating someone you believe is below your standards, usually in looks, under the assumption that it’ll be easier or they’ll treat you better.

Spoiler alert, it rarely ends well.

Let’s talk about why.

Where did this even come from?

Blame TikTok, or the internet in general. A few weeks ago, users started posting stories about dating “unattractive” partners, not for love, but for convenience. The idea was that less conventionally attractive people would be more loyal, more grateful, and less likely to play games. The term “Shrekking” was born from the assumption that dating someone who’s not your “type” (think: Shrek) would somehow be a shortcut to romantic happiness.

Turns out, people aren't emotional service animals. Who knew?

The myth of the 'grateful partner'

At its core, Shrekking is built on a pretty toxic premise, that someone who isn’t hot by traditional standards should be thankful just to be chosen. It dehumanizes your partner and underestimates their agency. And let’s be real, no one likes to feel like they were picked last in gym class again.

Many people who’ve tried Shrekking find that it backfires. The so-called “less desirable” partner often realizes they’re being patronized, while the one doing the Shrekking ends up unsatisfied and a little ashamed.

Dating 'down' is still dating wrong

Here’s the thing, dating someone you’re not genuinely attracted to, physically, emotionally, or intellectually, just to avoid heartbreak or games isn’t clever. It’s a form of emotional self-sabotage. Love isn’t a risk-free investment, and treating it like one ends up hurting both people involved.

Instead of trying to hack human connection, it’s time to face the truth. Attraction matters, chemistry matters, and so does emotional honesty.

A better way to date

Rather than lowering your standards, why not refine them? That means figuring out what truly matters to you in a partner, not just surface-level traits, but things like communication style, sense of humor, values, and emotional intelligence. Hotness is subjective, and connection doesn’t follow checklists.

Also, let’s not forget, the idea of someone being “below your standards” is often rooted in insecurity. Ask yourself, are these your standards, or someone else’s?

This is exactly why platforms like Couple.com are becoming more popular with people who are tired of games and looking for something more real. Couple offers a refreshing approach to online dating through video-first speed dates where you meet real people in real time. No swiping, no curated highlight reels, just quick, authentic conversations that help you figure out whether there's something worth exploring.

By putting the focus on actual interaction instead of photos and profiles, Couple helps steer people away from the kind of surface-level judgments that lead to Shrekking. It encourages users to connect based on chemistry, curiosity, and conversation, not strategy or assumptions.

Share your story

Ever been Shrekked? Or realized (maybe too late) that you were the one doing it? We want to hear how it went. Send your dating wins, fails, and everything in between to editor@team.couple.com for a chance to be featured in a future post.

Because real connection isn’t about settling, it’s about seeing people clearly, and being seen in return.